We Set Our Own Selves Free

In my studio, a print by artist Ellie Meape hangs on a plain white wall. The piece is called Sanctuary, and in it, two ambiguous figures hold each other against a pink backdrop. I’ve always loved this artwork and the subtle way it gives voice to feelings we hold but cannot name.

Looking at it, I see my soul holding me, embracing the fractured and vulnerable parts that long for a safe place to exist. Parts formed in response to the pain of a tender heart scraping against a too-sharp world. Shards of poetry and angst, depression and rage, all slicing and wild, held captive in my ribcage.

We are a constellation of parts, our inner territories shimmering and bursting with pieces too soft for this world, sensitive and feeling, ripe tissue and hairline cracks.

These parts are interior defenders and advocates developed to help us survive, and they are fiercely committed to protecting us at all costs. Sometimes, they grow large and loud, but mostly they are quiet and hidden, brewing under the surface of our skin. I’m learning to view them with tenderness and gratitude, these battle-worn and precious pieces that bleed on my behalf.

Our bodies remember every crossroad, twist and turn, pain point, and mountaintop. Each experience is stored somewhere, and our parts often hold the map. As I gently liberate the places within that have been largely locked up, certain parts get louder. Listen To Me! Who can you trust? No one. Who can you count on? There isn’t a soul.

But my body remembers, too, the way my heart slowed and I found breathing easier as the crashing waves of self-preservation quieted and I heard a new voice, which was my own and which whispered in time,

you are safe,

you are safe,

you are safe.

I ignored my Self for so long that I barely recognized the sound of my voice. But as I grow stronger and more clear, I’m beginning to listen for the dulcet lull of her sound. My sound.

These days, the work before me is integrity, and in particular, having integrity within myself.

Perhaps the miracle is that as we align with ourselves, we become the sanctuary we long for, a home for all the parts of us to heal and breathe deeply, a haven for our desires and wishes. Soon breath, heart, and voice regulate, keeping pace with a pulse. I remember you, you who helped me feel safe and home and good enough as I am.

I set own myself free.

We set ourselves free when we momentarily stop what we’re doing, shut our eyes, and inhale slowly, hand over heart, in and out, exhaling as we feel our body relax. We unlock our cages when we address our parts, telling them we see them, thanking them for keeping us safe, and assuring them that we can be trusted.

We set ourselves free when we commit to listening to our inner fragments, making room without judgment or fear for truths they long to share with us.

We set ourselves free when we become a promise we intend to keep, one of our own making.

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A Prayer

by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés

“Refuse to fall down

If you cannot refuse to fall down,

refuse to stay down.

If you cannot refuse to stay down,

lift your heart toward heaven,

and like a hungry beggar,

ask that it be filled.

You may be pushed down.

You may be kept from rising.

But no one can keep you from lifting your heart

toward heaven

only you.

It is in the middle of misery

that so much becomes clear.

The one who says nothing good

came of this,

is not yet listening.”

FIVE FAVES

1. The word hierophany, which means: the way the sacred is expressed in the material world. How absolutely gorgeous is that?! I learned of it from author Katherine May in an Instagram post (which I also recommend reading here!)

2. This somatic 30-day hip opener class. I’ve only recently dipped my toes in the somatic waters and have already experienced such incredible alignment both with my body and my soul that I know I will be integrating the practices into my day from now on. Each practice is gentle and only about 10 minutes long, making it easier to commit.

3. This is my all-time favorite face cream. I love how it makes my skin feel soft and hydrated without being heavy. I use it every single day.

4. This soup recipe is on rotation weekly around here, in the land of eternal winter. Delicious, cozy, fresh, and easy! I am obsessed with all things Halfbaked Harvest, and this soup is a perfect case for why.

5. Aundi Kolber’s latest book, Strong Like Water, is fantastic. She is brilliant at finding gentle, honest, and brave ways to help us navigate our own healing and growth, which is part of what makes this book so powerful. Plus, the cover art by artist Tracie Cheng is gorgeous, it looks so pretty sitting on my nightstand!

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