In this story, I was twenty-one and a newly married pastor’s wife. I was the woman behind the man, the prayerful wife who joined mom’s circles and MOPS and countless Bible studies. In those early years, I smiled every Sunday and sang the songs, all along internalizing the expectation to be good and small and easy.
This is one of the loveliest things you’ve written ... what a gift your heart is to so many of us that can’t seem to find the words or our people . How just so lovely and brave and beautiful you are . Thank you
So beautifully said Sarah, you have put the words together that speak a truth that I suspect was my life as well...
I love the call to be true to self
Oh so much yes to this. I see you and see me in this too.
I was 22 and working at the church. Calling out the dysfunction I was seeing and being hushed like a child. “We don’t say those things,” they said, over and over. The louder I got, the harder they squashed. “You don’t know anything about that.”
And now I’m forty and free. (It’s the new thirty and flirty, you know.) Everything blew up at my old church. All the things I said would happen? They did. 22 year old me saw it all unfolding. The “I told you so” still burns in my mouth. I hold that one back, but not much else. I wonder every day if there will ever really be a seat for me at the table. (They say everyone is welcome, but really, we know it’s only everyone who is palatable in the right ways, who falls in step at the right time.)
Thank you for sharing your words. You give me so much hope, both for now and for the future.
So beautiful and true. Keep sharing your words and your life. It is encouraging, and awakens my soul.
wow!!! what writing! i very much identify with (a lot of it) but especially the line "I burned my own self at the stake in exchange for a seat at their table." and then to have you tag my products in combo with this amazing writing is so exciting. thank you!! i see your wildness and i'm howling back, sister