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The Summer Sessions: Part One

a new fun series on To Tell You the Truth
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We’ve chosen to transcribe our video as well as provide an audio version because we believe that inclusivity is vital for a thriving community. We hope you can find yourself in whatever ways are best for you, and we hope you enjoy the first Summer Session!

—Sarah & Corinne


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Sarah: We've had such a fantastic time making To Tell You the Truth. And one of the most surprising highlights for us has been getting to record our work for you each week. Your feedback and your encouragement have been just incredible. And it gave us a little idea.

Corinne: So we thought we would turn on the camera and click record. And these are what we are affectionately referring to as the summer sessions. We're going to record four conversations. and share them during our joint newsletters at the beginning of each month. So May through August, we're just inviting you to join us around the fire.

Sarah: We really hope you enjoy the first of our summer sessions. So I know one of the questions that we get asked kind of frequently is, how did we end up getting to know each other? How does a person that's living in Thailand and a person that was living in Illinois, how do they end up writing a book together? And yeah. How did that ever happen? So I feel like that's kind of a fun, unique story to tell just because it is a really unique friendship and it is full of lots of coincidences and lots of intentionality. And the book that we wrote together is just like a very small part, right? Of kind of the bigger story that is going on. So we met a long time ago.

Corinne: Yeah, our story doesn't start with the book, not even close. And I think that's something that I forget people don't know. is that we actually go way back. And sometimes it's easy to forget about that because so many years have gone by and so much life has been lived since those first days when we met. And yeah, so I think that is a fun story to tell. And I also think it's important because like you said, Sarah, the book is this snapshot of a real specific season in our lives and in our friendship. And there's a lot of history and a lot of future on both sides. So it's, I think it's important that we're able to like place that in a space and time and, and it's fun to give some context.

Sarah: Yeah. So on that note, we met, gosh, how many years ago is that? We met in 2002. I was in college.

Corinne: I was working for the college.

Sarah: Yes. Um, I'm trying to think about like that very first day, but like what comes to mind is how I used to It was a Christian college, smaller Christian college, and I used to kind of sneak contraband in, which was like these old noomas. I don't know if anyone still even knows what those are, but like back then they were very, very controversial and kind of exciting, a little underground.

Corinne: Underground for sure.

Sarah: Yeah, yeah. And I had an in, but I would bring them into the campus and we'd like watch them secretly. And I like snuck one to Corrine one time.

Corinne: And it was like one of the first. You showed up at my door. Because I was the RD and so my apartment was in the dorm and I remember you showed up at my front door and you were like Can't tell anyone but you have to watch these and I was like, okay Absolutely, so it was the first three noomas and I was like, what's this and they were turquoise and I was like Oh, I love it. Yeah I remember watching those and then I remember, I wonder if it was before the holidays because I remember taking them home to Arizona because that was, we were in California at the time. I remember taking them home to Arizona and being like, get a load of this. I showed my parents or something like that. It was really funny, but I felt like it was top secret Intel.

Sarah: I felt like it even back then. That was like, and I mean, now I'm looking at it and going, what was, what even was so I can't even I couldn't even point to anything now, but back then whatever it was that was on those noomas and — for context: they would have been Christian short films Like like teachings, but like a bite-size, you know something you can have just like on a DVD you would watch remember those?

Corinne: It was like the it was like the cameraman was like following, you know following the speaker as he walked and it was like, it was just so new and so different.

Sarah: Very edgy, very cool. And again, and it was, and some of those concepts and messages were very formative for me in really positive ways at the time. Definitely like on my own personal journey through my faith and kind of where I was at the time. So it was just one of those unique things where it felt like, okay, like if for her and I, I think for you and I, there was this like, if we can... speak this language, then like, you're my people, I'm your people. You know, it was kind of this like coded thing.

Corinne: Well, I think it's so interesting too, because in a community that was very conservative and evangelical, there was this like, I think it was it was this venue for us to have this permission to think outside of whatever, whatever parameters we were used to operating in. this conversation or the subtext of this conversation that we were having through these videos was like permission to think outside of it. So I love that all those years ago, right? More than 20 years ago now, that was kind of our initial connection was this, this like, permission that we were giving ourselves and then sharing and a connection that we had in that to think outside of whatever the parameter was at the time. I kind of love that that's the foundation of our friendship.

Sarah: The origin story. I love that too. That has definitely tracked I feel like over the years for both of us in individual ways. But then like if you were to, if you were to sort of throw kind of a you know framework for our friendship, I think that's definitely one of the main kind of tenants for us is that we've, we do find ways to kind of make room for each other to kind of figure it out as we go. And that's one of our high values, I think, especially as we were working on the book. um you know which is a story for another time but definitely through that process we had we got to practice that in new ways it's like how do we make room for each other in this friendship for creativity and ideas and and our stories and the validity of that and all those pieces.

Corinne: One of the things that makes me think of is how many years were in between when we met and when we decided to write Slow Burn and a lot of life got lived in those years. And I mean, you know, we had a connection throughout those years. Like, do you remember when you, you connected me with the photographer, your photographer friend who ended up doing our family photos on the beach after you did those photos with I think it was just with Emerson, when Emerson was really, really little. Yeah, and then I was like, Oh, who's your photographer? And then we ended up he did us a favor and did our family photos because he knew you guys and they turned out so fantastic and that's when our kids were so little. But I just I think about how our stories are so different during those years. What we were doing, what you guys were doing, you know, my personal story during those years, your personal story during those years. But yet the thing that's in common that we find ourselves like Um, discovering more and more now in these current years is how many different things we were trying so hard at, how many ways we were trying so hard to still somehow operate within those parameters while at the same time we had this shared connection of permission to operate outside and almost the duality of that and how, just, gosh, how, how many years, how hard we tried.

Sarah: How earnest we were. you know, I mean, genuinely trying to find our way, to find ourselves, to find ourselves in the midst of, in some ways, the box that we chose to be in. And yeah, what is it to be a wife? What is it to be a mother? What is it to be a woman? Like, to be a Christian, you know? I mean, there was that 20-year span, and it would be impossible to simplify it, but that is the nature, was truly looking back what a lifeline it has been to have you and your friendship to continue to point me back to that permission, which is so key to be who I am, that maybe there's room for that too. And in the midst of these different roles, you know, and we're so young trying to figure this out. And at least for me, you know, I think in that time and space, there wasn't a lot of people who were doing it differently. It was sort of like, this is the kind of mutual, collective, communal agreement, but this is what we do. This is what a good wife is. This is what a good, in my case, pastor's wife is. This is what a good mother is. And this is what a good Christian woman is. And I tried so hard to be those things in the ways that were expected from me by the community that I surrounded myself with, physically, literally. So having your friendship, because again, we really. didn't live in the same state even for most of, I mean, did any of this time? I don't think so. I was like, only at the very beginning. Only Arizona, Michigan, Illinois, Thailand. Yeah, yeah.

Corinne: And then we both end up back in Arizona for this very specific period of time, you know, after so much loss and after so much heartbreak and trauma. But. I love that even all along the way, we've had these shared me too with you moments where, you know, we were moving so many, we moved so many times and, you know, reinvented our lives so many times, you guys did the same in different ways. And even again, even though those stories are so different, and the context were so different, they were with they were within those same expectations. And so all along there was like, you know, we talk about the lanterns off in the distance, right? At night, just being able to see each other, kind of holding up that little light. And we've talked about, you know, lighting candles for each other in those with you moments. And I feel like we really solidified that and kind of gave it a name and gave it a metaphor. When we were in Thailand and Illinois, when we were at the peak of pain, We, you know, had that that we shared, but really we've had it all along. And I love that because we've been in those spaces of reinvention so many times and we've had each other lifting up that little light from a distance. And to know that we're not alone as crazy as, you know, life may have seemed in those different moments. We've always known that we weren't alone somehow and just maybe didn't put language around it yet. But who would have known?

Sarah: Yeah. And you're so right, I think. And even for context, some of the, as you're talking about that moment of pain, when you're in Thailand and in Illinois, and kind of respectively, the lives that we thought we had sort of built and insulated and had it all mapped out, we did all the right things, they still kind of came crumbling down as we both in our own ways kind of confronted corruption For me and my husband, it was within the church that we were part of. And for Corinne and her husband, it was a nonprofit they were part of. But in both cases, there was overlap of just, at the end of the day, just having to make a choice, really, like who are we going to be? Like who are the people we're going to be? But in the midst of all that pain, I feel like that is when the care that we'd offered each other, who's friendship for all those years, that's when it felt. more tangible and more real. And like literally physically, like one of the practices we had that sort of just happened organically was to light a little candle and we would light it. And I put it in my little windowsill in Illinois and I'd walk by and I'd see it. And I would stop and pray or think of Corrine and her family. And sharing that, it was a lifeline. It was a tie, a connection to have in the midst of what felt like everything else was falling apart and nothing else really made sense. And... That piece, I think speaks to this bigger, kind of collective hunger that we have as we, you can call it deconstruction, you can call it, I don't know what, there are other words for it, I'm sure, but that thing where you start to decide, who am I gonna be? And at the end of the day, what does living in integrity look like and feel like for me as a person? That disrupts a lot of systems and a lot of friendships and a lot of. spaces that know you a certain way, right? And want you to stay that way forever. And that's a really lonely thing. You know, we go through all that. I went through all of the, am I the one who's crazy? Am I like, what's going on here? Am I the only one who sees this? And having, you know, your friendship through the miles, just to kind of remind me you're not crazy. You can trust yourself, like stay in that integrity. I don't, I don't know who I would be if I hadn't had that friendship through that time. And it's not the only space that defines our friendship, but it was definitely for me, I think a shift from, you know, this connection that we always had, you know, we both delivered our boys in different states on the same day. I mean, in the same year, in the same, same, same age. And that is wild. So there's like, definitely these moments of kind of synchronicity and connection. but it wasn't as intentional or as vital to me as it felt during that time. And that really shifted everything. And it wasn't until after, if I'm honest, that I realized it because you're so in the chaos of it. But afterwards, when I landed in Arizona and you were in Arizona and we both could finally breathe a little bit, I think that's- I'm like breathing. Right? I know, I'm like, ugh. Yeah. That was a shift for me.

Corinne: Yeah, gosh. I think that it is a rare and really unique gift to be able to understand one another on such a deep level. And unfortunately, that's because we both were experiencing something very extreme and traumatic at the time. And yet... our situations were very different. Our situations had much different details and context. But I think one of the things that we had in common and we still have in common because we still feel the effects of it is the cost of asking yourself, who do I wanna be? And am I who I say I am? Because long before that, we would have, you know, we would have insisted that, you know, telling the truth was the most important thing. And it was the peak of the Me Too movement. And we had watched all these brave women who were coming forward with their stories and the momentum, the groundswell, if you will, right? That word that I've always gotten from you. That was a, there was a force to that that brought us to a space of reckoning individually where. We're not only deciding who we want to be, but we're having to ask ourselves if we are who we say we are. And if so, there is a cost. And I think that that is something that we have seen in many women's stories over these years since is the tremendous cost. And we've seen that filter its way through our own selves, through our families, through our kids, through our spouses. Like we've seen that. And so when we find each other in those spaces of knowing what it costs to ask your, to look yourself in the mirror and to ask yourself if you are who you say you are, or who do you want to be. For us to know that and to be able to share that without having words for it yet was a very, um, God, it was a lifeline. It was an absolute lifeline. And those, those are some dark days, you know, so that lifeline really was, um, it really did pull me through, um, so many scary moments and to know that there was at least one other person. who really understood me. And even though we both had support systems and we both had tremendous, you know, encouragement and bolstering, you know, from people around us, it was still lonely, still incredibly lonely. But when I think about that, and I think we don't have to have the details in common to understand cost and loss. Like it's all fun and games. Like everybody, you know, we want to talk about integrity. We want to talk about telling the truth. We want to talk about, you know, you know, using our voice, you know, even if it shakes like all of that. But at the end of the day to do that, like takes a toll. And, but I love that this community of people who we've all slowly found each other, you know, and we're still finding one another. slowly by slowly, bone by bone, right? We know that, we have that in common, that we don't have to have the same stories, we don't have to have the same details, we don't have to have lived in the same places, you don't have to have lived overseas, you don't have to have worked for, arguably one of the largest mega churches, like you don't have to have those details, or even the most extreme circumstances to... have those with you moments and to have those moments of looking yourself in the mirror and knowing what it feels like having to ask yourself that question and then having to live it. So I love that we that there's so much room in the conversations that we have in the women that we surround ourselves with. There's so much room for all those different stories. And then there's no story that's smaller or bigger than another. There's no story that's better or worse. Or you know, it's They're all so different and they're all those moments of the reckoning, our own reckoning.

Sarah: That's so good and so true. And yeah, I think when we kind of center ourselves and kind of settle back into like, we know who we are, like we kind of, you know, you go through something hard and again, like you said, it's not always this catastrophic like life. crumbling experience doesn't need to be the catalyst is actually not the most important thing. It's it's that settling that kind of makes you kind of come face to face with like who do I want to be and who am I? And when you know the answer to that question, the people that you invite into your life are people that you you you are who you are and you're letting them be who they are, right? So there's not this like expectation or pressure that I have to perform a certain way for Corinne to be my friend or I have to you know act a certain way for like It's not that for inclusion, you know, it's, there's an expansiveness and openness and like a sacredness to making room for each other to be who they are. And rather than you've got to fit in this small little box and still get it together, you know? And I think that's part of like, even like the catalyst for writing the book, but for starting this space has been that desire to make room for each other and to invite others into that space with us and to say, you know, one of the biggest themes is that with you. Like we remind each other of that all the time that has felt so true and so core. And to everyone who kind of comes into this space and walks this path with us, we're with you. We can't fix it. We can't even make it better most of the time. We're not gonna have all the answers, but you won't be alone. Isn't that just what we want, right? Like what we all really want is just to know that we're not alone.

Corinne: And to what you just said, Sarah, I think that one of the beautiful things about the trajectory of our friendship is that we've never needed to be the same in order to really love and appreciate and value each other. We are so wildly different. I was just telling my daughter yesterday that you and I are like this overlapping Venn diagram. We just have a lot of overlap, but we're very different in so many ways. Our stories have been very different and our upbringing, our faith journey, our deconstruction, where we end up, what we believe. There's so much room for so much to be different. And that actually is what makes it so beautiful is that we're not trying to be the same. We've no, there's no pressure. We value what each other brings to the table. We meet each other in the middle. And that's the beauty of it, right? Like that biodiversity, even among you and I, that there's the goal is not for us to be the same, to write the same, to create the same or any of it. The goal is for us to bring our full selves to the table, to be met and recognized and honored and valued. And that that is actually what makes something beautiful. That's what makes our book beautiful in its own unique quirky way. I love it so much. Again, that's what makes this space feel really exciting is that... that when you write a piece, I'm like going, you know, berserk about it and texting you.

Sarah: Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, yes. That champion.

Corinne: And then when I write a piece and I wake up, because you know, you're ahead of me time zone wise and I wake up and you're like, oh my gosh, you know, I love that because you and I sound so different. And yet we have so much overlap. It's just the best of both worlds.

Sarah: It really is, it really is. And I think that's what's, again, so fun about this space is like opening that up. that really sacred good thing that we found and figuring out how to make it even more inclusive and expansive. And for those that maybe don't have it yet or right now, that there definitely have been spaces and even in our friendship where we haven't had the capacity or ability to always be in your lane in 20 plus years of time, core expectation is not that it's going to be. I think there's ebbs and flows and as much as we say you're not alone, there are still hard things you gotta go through alone. And, but then you come back. And I think there's that permission that there's some things that we can't journey together through, but we'll be here when you need us, or we'll be here when you get back, or we'll meet you ahead when you land, wherever you're landing. And that is that, again, that gift of, not needing to control another person, but the expansive, inclusive, we get to be who we are. And there's just freedom. And that is... is what I want for you, it's what I want for me, it's what I want for our kids, it's what I want for everyone who's a part of this to tell you the truth community and for everyone who picks up our books someday. If we can do that work, that feels like the best good work possible.

Corinne: Yeah. So where you just left off with that good work, Sarah, I think that is the perfect segue into the next little bit of this conversation, the next... summer session at the beginning of June, where I think that just is a great invitation into talking about the next part of our journey together, which has been the healing process and what that's looked like for us to walk alongside each other through that. So that'll be at the beginning of June, our next joint newsletter will be another one of these little videos, another little conversation and just inviting everybody to kind of tune into that.

Sarah: So fun, we're so excited and we hope that you will join us.

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Corinne Shark
Sarah Carter