Barbie, Adam&Eve, and Captive Wolves

copyright @WarnerBros

I am in awe of other artist’s creativity. I am utterly incapable of watching/reading/listening to work that moves me without marveling at how someone’s miraculous brain dreamed it all up. So naturally, I’ve been down the Barbie rabbit-hole this week. Greta Gerwig had me at LadyBird. (Btw, if you don’t see how Sarah is Saoirse Ronan’s twin, I cannot help you.) Greta left me absolutely speechless after Little Women. Between Jo March disappearing into her writing, spreading all her pages out on the floor and not even stopping to eat, deciding to own her own work, Jo’s “sick of it” monologue, the way Greta directed scenes of overlapping dialogue like music, and then that added scene of Amy’s declaration about marriage being an economic institution, it is just as inspirational to me as a writer as it is to my aspiring-director daughter Carsyn. We watch that film on a regular basis.

And now Greta gives us Barbie.

(Ok, Greta and Noah. But I’m not obsessed with him. Although, I do love how she talks about how their joint creative process creates this third thing between the two of them that doesn’t exist for either of them on their own. There is a different sort of magic that happens in co-creativity that Sarah and I really relate to with our writing.)

So, I’ve listened to and read so many interviews with Greta this week. There are many important conversations surrounding the film’s message about how patriarchy harms both women AND men, the sharp and hilarious and surprisingly emotional writing (I cackled so loud and embarrassed my kids so many times and then also teared up quite a few times too), as well as the history of discontinued Barbies and lack of representation for so many years, the prototype being based on a sex toy, and the harmful smallpox line in the film I didn’t catch until Mel brought it to my attention while we were DMing about the film this week (a perfect example of impact>intent).

The interesting piece that keeps swirling for me this week is Greta discussing in an interview with Vogue how the Barbie film is the inverse of the Adam & Eve creation myth. “Barbie was invented first,” she said. “Ken was invented after Barbie, to burnish Barbie’s position in our eyes and in the world. That kind of creation myth is the opposite of the creation myth in Genesis.” (vox.com)

Of course conservative men are losing their minds. Of course those who have benefitted exponentially from patriarchal systems that subjugate women are furious. Of course those who have been conditioned to believe they have a God-given right to authority, dominion, and power-over are crying all sorts of fragile tears.

They are showing their hand: they love HAVING an Eve, but there is absolutely nothing worse in their minds than BEING an Eve.

Imagine being the scapegoat for the fall of all humanity.

Even worse, imagine being a helpmate.

(Or, for those of us who’ve come from exegetical Christian backgrounds, a helpMEET. The word still gives the me the ick. Just another way to spiritually bypass the anger of women and convince us to feel better about serving and obeying men.)

I remember being in those spaces surrounded by men who loved HAVING an Eve, but viscerally hated the thought of BEING an Eve. I remember wondering how can you truly love someone you are conditioned to resent? How can you trust someone who you’ve grown up believing is inherently susceptible to temptation and betrayal? How can you honor or respect someone who you associate with physical and emotional and intellectual and moral weakness? How can you treasure someone you have been taught to blame for your own downfall?

I remember the sideways glances toward Eric and I for not following the rules of complementarianism. I remember the respect (a currency) withheld from him because he did not exercise authority over me or keep me in line under the guise of spiritual leadership. I remember the narrowed eyes toward me as if my autonomy (often referred to with a sharp edge as my free spirit) might be contagious and rub off on their Eves. (Spoiler alert: it is and it does bc agency begets agency.) I remember looking for an example of an Eve thriving for her own sake, on behalf of herself, under her own authority, for her own flourishing and not finding a single one. And I remember being deeply grieved about that. Still am. For all of us, including the men clinging so desperately to breadcrumbs of value that only exist in relation to the domination of women, children, the earth, and each other.

So when we took the kids to see the movie last weekend and afterward our 15 year old Garrett didn't get why men are so enraged about the Barbie movie it gives me hope that: 1) his online use isn’t triggering the algorithm to spew the alpha bullshit that so many young boys and men are being influenced by,  2) we removed ourselves from the toxic religious settings where patriarchy was just in the water before it had a chance to inform his sense of self, and 3) the conversations we continue to have about it all really, really matter.

My brilliant brother Jarred messaged me this week with this comment in response to a Barbie post in my Stories, “The whole alpha/beta male thing is soooooo dumb. Have you looked at the wolf research that inspired it?” So of course he sent me an article entitled “The Myth of the Alpha Wolf” from The New Yorker about research that debunked the alpha/beta theory as having been based on CAPTIVE wolves, many of whom were infected with the toxoplasma gondii parasite which causes unnatural aggression. My brother continued to note that research asserts

“the “alpha” expression is based on panic, confusion, and desperation facing upheaval of evolutionary-derived norms, while normal, wild wolves are diverse and fluid focusing on family, communication, and cooperation.”

(Cue all the metaphoric parallels to patriarchy.)

The article pointed toward the presence of elders within a complex family unit as the best indicator of health and sustainability in conflict with other packs and goes on to mention other animal species as well,

“In times of droughts, elephant herds with a matriarch older than thirty-five do better. When there’s a salmon shortage, orcas follow the grandmother. (We see you Gladys. me) “In the pack fights, we see that the elders don’t panic…it seems to match up with this idea of them having past knowledge that helps the pack.””

Because of course.

It’s all connected.

Greta, Barbie, Adam&Eve, toxic and abusive religion, patriarchy, the wild wolves and the elephant matriarchs and the grandmother orcas.

Us. It’s all of us.

Greta’s creativity is mind-blowing. I’m not even close to being over it. The visuals, the reduced scale, the doll-like movements, the head-on acknowledgment of the problematic affect of Barbie over the years delivered through the full-throat of a teenage girl, the stunning impossibility-of-being-a-woman monologue delivered through the powerhouse that is America Ferrera, the montage of childhood video footage collected from cast and crew members. You KNOW I could go on and on.  Greta had us laughing at the edenic version of perfection we’ve bought hook-line-and-sinker while interrogating the insidious parasite of patriarchy that harms us all.

And then she offers us something more.

Something soulful and profound and true. (And even some things to be strongly critiqued.)

Something for all of us.

Through an elder. A crone, if you will. Someone who doesn’t panic, who has past knowledge that can help. A remembering. A reimagining. Another way through. Not just for a shitty version of paradise where women do everything and men do nothing. Not just a flipped patriarchy, but a way where we can all be free.

Because it’s all of us or none of us.

And it’s about so much more than Barbie.

(Ok, if you’ve seen the film, PLEASE tell me something you loved, didn’t love, what felt nostalgic, what is still swirling. Leave a comment, or if commenting feels like a lot of pressure just send me a DM, so I can stay down this rabbit hole just a little longer. )

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FIVE FAVES

1. Sinead. The tributes are beautiful. Especially the one from Annie Lennox. Crank up the volume, roll the windows down in the car (unless you are in AZ, in which case please don’t) and holler at the top of your lungs along to your favorite track. (this, this, and ofc this are a few of mine) Check out the documentary Nothing Compares 2 U streaming on Showtime. Sinead was a true banshee.

2. The sweet/savory strawberry basil homemade ice cream Mel served us recently as we farewelled our Steph who is just days away from her big move. The ice cream was gloriously fresh, the strawberries were marinated in balsamic vinegarette, and the basil was crushed and so perfectly understated it could’ve been straight out of a scene in The Bear. No notes.

3. The coffee table from Steph (see my IG Stories) complete with water rings from sweating glassware and craft glue from her daughter Daisy’s creations that I’m definitely not going to sand off. It didn’t work downstairs bc the kids refused to give up the ottoman, but it’s perfect up with my Thai daybed and now I have a place for my saguaro bowl that holds a handful of old seashells which just feels so accurately me. I don’t do much thrifting but I LOVE having things that once belonged to someone I love. Go, go, go Steph. Our hands are at your back.

4. Speaking of going, cleaning out Carsyn’s room with her a little at a time as she prepares to go to college (in 2 weeks - it’s fine, i’m fine, everything’s fine) has been equal parts sweet nostalgia going through old photos and filling memory boxes, finding things like the first hand drawn movie poster she made for the script she wrote when she was little called “Hope Sisters” complete with six really well-developed scenes AND the sweet vindication of finding so many of my things she’s borrowed and never returned like this favorite that I bought forever ago to wear under this favorite and hadn’t seen since. The Great Pre-College Bedroom Cleanout of 2023 is helpful for her because she is #overwhelmed, and it’s super cathartic for me as we get ready to send her off. (She decided to stay in-state, but still.) Any first time college mamas out there? Send me all your tips.

5. Last night’s monsoon. IYKYK. We’ve been in a heat wave here in Arizona with 28 days of consecutive temps above 110. So when the emergency weather alert screamed through the phones and the wild wind carried in the wall of dust that covered everything and the lightning surrounded us on all sides and the rain finally broke through…I fell asleep smiling.